FAUX-GGA

Reliable sources inside the warden's office at the Greater Goreville Area based Marion Federal Prison tell FAUX-GGA NEWS Crime Desk reporters their efforts to recruit convicted felon Paul Manafort have failed.  Earlier today in a packed Virginia Courtroom Manafort expressed his desire  to “Take my Game to FCI Cumberland”. Federal Judge T. S. Ellis agreed and awarded him a guaranteed 4 year full ride.  While at FCI C Manafort is expected to be a key contributor on Cumberland’s Nationally ranked Fraud team. The Cumberbuns are currently undefeated. The Federal Correctional Institution, Cumberland (FCI Cumberland) is a medium-security United States federal prison for male inmates in Maryland. It is operated by the Federal Bureau of Prisons, a division of the United States Department of Justice. The facility also has a satellite prison camp for minimum-security male offenders.  Reliable sources tell FAUX-GGA NEWS Manafort used hIs frequent flyer miles to upgrade to...

Foot Fetish FAUX-GGA NEWS sources traveling with the President report Dr. Cal C. Aneus, world-renowned podiatrist, accompanied POTUS on his recent visit to Vietnam.  In an exclusive interview with  FAUX-GGA NEWS, Dr. Aneus said POTUS held up amazingly well during his first ever trip to Vietnam as a representative of the U. S. Government.  The Osteophytes prohibiting Mr. Trump from officially representing the U. S. Government in Vietnam during the 1960s did not present a problem during the trip.  Dr. Aneus had expressed some concern that Mr. Trump's "Really Great BMI" might cause some discomfort for the tenderfoot.

                       The New Math 1 Bryce Harper = 418 teachers Bryce Harper just  signed a 13-year contract to play baseball for the Philadelphia Phillies.  Over the span of that 13 year guaranteed contract he will earn $330,000,000. The average Public School Teacher salary in Philadelphia, PA is $60,763 as of January 31, 2019. At that rate, the teacher will make $790000 during a 13 year career (if a teacher can survive a 13 year stint in the Philadelphia School System). If you do the math you will find in this story problem 417 does indeed equal 1.

Heading Home From Hanoi For Some R & R FAUX-GGA NEWS International Correspondent Bab L. Towers reports POTUS held an impromptu news conference aboard Airforce 1 on the way home from the failed Hanoi summit.   In the friendly repartee with reporters, the President said: "Who knew winning a battle in a Vietnamese venue would be so hard?  Didn't we try that once before?   It will be good to get back to Washington for a little R & R".

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do In an exclusive interview with FAUX-GGA NEWS Washington correspondent Simones Wooley, ex Trump personal attorney and fixer Michael Cohen said the 2 things he misses most about his estranged relationship with the Trump Organization are:   1.   Standing around the water cooler on the 26th floor of Trump Tower and sharing bullying success stories with the boss, Jared, and Don Jr.  2.  Earlybird check-in and free breakfast at Mar-a-lago.

Midwest Weather Report Concerned about the abililty of many of my midwest friends to adapt to the crazy weather we experience almost daily, I wrote the following: Global Warming Another day another squall Two fronts are taking form I’m hunkered down and now await Yet one more Twitter storm. One front is forming in the south The other in the west And once again they will collide Right here in my midwest. With agitation in the west From Oscar winning foes, And with kneeling Ole Miss players, We know he's going to blow. So, my fellow midwesterners You'll get your perfect storm, The Equivocator in Chief Will be in perfect form. John Davis February, 2019