FAUX-GGA

                       The New Math 1 Bryce Harper = 418 teachers Bryce Harper just  signed a 13-year contract to play baseball for the Philadelphia Phillies.  Over the span of that 13 year guaranteed contract he will earn $330,000,000. The average Public School Teacher salary in Philadelphia, PA is $60,763 as of January 31, 2019. At that rate, the teacher will make $790000 during a 13 year career (if a teacher can survive a 13 year stint in the Philadelphia School System). If you do the math you will find in this story problem 417 does indeed equal 1.

Heading Home From Hanoi For Some R & R FAUX-GGA NEWS International Correspondent Bab L. Towers reports POTUS held an impromptu news conference aboard Airforce 1 on the way home from the failed Hanoi summit.   In the friendly repartee with reporters, the President said: "Who knew winning a battle in a Vietnamese venue would be so hard?  Didn't we try that once before?   It will be good to get back to Washington for a little R & R".

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do In an exclusive interview with FAUX-GGA NEWS Washington correspondent Simones Wooley, ex Trump personal attorney and fixer Michael Cohen said the 2 things he misses most about his estranged relationship with the Trump Organization are:   1.   Standing around the water cooler on the 26th floor of Trump Tower and sharing bullying success stories with the boss, Jared, and Don Jr.  2.  Earlybird check-in and free breakfast at Mar-a-lago.

Midwest Weather Report Concerned about the abililty of many of my midwest friends to adapt to the crazy weather we experience almost daily, I wrote the following: Global Warming Another day another squall Two fronts are taking form I’m hunkered down and now await Yet one more Twitter storm. One front is forming in the south The other in the west And once again they will collide Right here in my midwest. With agitation in the west From Oscar winning foes, And with kneeling Ole Miss players, We know he's going to blow. So, my fellow midwesterners You'll get your perfect storm, The Equivocator in Chief Will be in perfect form. John Davis February, 2019